it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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