My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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