I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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