Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
