Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
