too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
