I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
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Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
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I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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