Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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