Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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