I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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