sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
