I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
