A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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