well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
