Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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