She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
