The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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