fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
