i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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