i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
