I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
