no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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