it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
