i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
