so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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