Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
