I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
