I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
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Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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