So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
