you would pick up someone in the library
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
