Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Me too!
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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