remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
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If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
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drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize