So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
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I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
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Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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