Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Sponge bath it is.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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