fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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