do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
True college students do jello shots in the library
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