Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
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for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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