you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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