my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
