The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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