Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
