Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
