I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You are a genius and a whore.
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