I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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