Non-Jews are for practice
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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