I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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