The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
There are leaves in my underwear?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
