If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
