I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
