I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
