from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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