Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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