TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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