in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
