I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
