I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
