I bet he comes in French.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
