new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
either way he was missing a nipple.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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