My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
