I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize