I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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