I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
