If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
