I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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