One girl and one boy is just not enough.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
