I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Duck Duck Cougar?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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