She tied me up with her honor cords...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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