i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
