she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
