Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
